Sequoia Reviews Superman Returns!
Although the heatwave is still persisting, today the temperature went down a few degrees, enabling us to finally go see Superman Returns, which was long overdue, considering my excitement for the movie (without having seen any trailers, mind you--I kept myself as spoiler-clear as I could!). Because Sequoia rules and I don't, she is the first of us to write down her thoughts on SR. Brace yourselves, because it ain't pretty! And I can't blame her for that one bit, really, because I found it rather disappointing and dull as well, all in all, so her observations tend to match mine pretty thoroughly. Unlike with X3, I will definitely truly for sure write about this one, because I like Superman more than the X-Men, heh. Although I do love the Beast (duh!) so maybe I'll somehow be able to sit down tomorrow (still on vacation for another five weeks, huzzah!) and actively compare this year's superhero movies before Pirates 2 rolls around next week. Anyhoo, time to let Sequoia speak...
* * * * *
I am a Marvel Girl through and through. I have attempted to get into the main DC universe numerous times in my decade of comic reading, and just do not feel any connection whatsoever to the characters. Everything I’ve tried – and Peter never lets me stop trying – has left me with negative impressions that range from meh to actively disgusted. I really don’t think it’s the place for me. I even – shock, horror - disliked Batman Begins. But Superman Returns looked interesting in the trailers, and Peter is a huge Superman fan, so we made a date of it, and I went into it with an open mind. Not filled with the charged mix of anticipation, excitement, and sick dread I felt before X3, but willing to enjoy it for what I consider it – a stand alone summer blockbuster. Adherence to continuity, comic or movie, was not a factor for me, because I know next to nothing about the subject. I had no opinion on casting matters, except that I thought Kate Bosworth was fantastic in Wonderland and is darling to look at, Parker Posey is usually tremendous fun, and Brandon Routh looks the part to me more than Reeves or Welling.
Anyway, as the final credits rolled, Peter summed up my feelings rather succinctly: Superman Returns isn’t Spider-Man 2. It’s not even X3.
But, it’s not Fantastic Four, either. I would hope it is also better than Daredevil, which I have vowed never to see, the casting offends me so greatly. And I would say that Superman Returns is also significantly better than Batman Begins, because I didn’t fall asleep or walk out, two things that occured during my viewing of BB (in the interests of full disclosure, I watched BB the day after Thanksgiving, on my couch, in my pjs, and full of pie).
It wasn’t laughably bad yet fun if you’re watching it with others, like Smallville. Tom Welling was quite the cutie, but he plays Clark as functionally retarded, and since they dialed back the homoeroticism, offed Jonathan, and made Lex OMG TEH EVOL, it’s even harder to watch. The Christopher Reeve Superman movies...let’s just say they weren’t really my cup of tea. I’ve seen them all, but have no desire to rewatch them. SR didn’t make me cringe, or yawn, or wonder what time it was. But I did roll my eyes quite a bit, and my strongest reaction is....so? This is what all the hype was about? This? Really?
What I actively disliked:
1. Luthor’s Real Estate Development Plot of Evil. Anyone else see the hilariously awful 10.5 Apocalypse tv movies earlier this year (and the prequel, from 2004)? Just me? I almost started laughing when they showed the new map of the world, with North America split up the middle, because I think they stole it from the prop room at NBC. And did I understand this correctly? Lex is going to use the crystals to radically change the geography of the earth, and in the process, kill “billions”. A significant percentage of the dead would come from the wealthier and developed parts of North America and Western Europe, unless Lex’s map is like Buster Bluth’s and the blue parts are land. Lex will then build beach front property that he will sell to the highest bidder, giving him all the power in the world. The highest bidder left among the severely traumatized masses in South America, Africa, Asia, apparently. I know that after the planet has been ripped apart by a madman, and most of my family and friends are dead, and all my stuff has been destroyed in the earthquakes, tidal waves, and gas fires, not to mention the disease that spreads after disasters, or the sickos that see disasters as a opportunity to prey on others, the first thing I’m going to do is call Century 21 and get me a piece of that ocean view condo action. Especially when the beaches are spikey and grey and look like something the earth vomited up in a desperate attempt to purge.
2. NOTHING HAPPENED. Full circle, Singer’s a genius, blah, blah, blah – Clark in space? Check. Lex Luthor out of jail and temporarily helpless but you just know he’s plotting something? Check. Martha’s lonely and doing dishes? You know it. Lois Lane doesn’t know Clark=Superman? That last one truly aggravates me, and my aggravation aggravates Peter. I cannot suspend disbelief on this. Maybe in the comics, I don’t know, I haven’t read more than a scattered dozen or so issues. But in a movie where they take the time to consider the possibility and discuss it out loud? When Clark and Superman disappeared on the same day and return the same day five years later? Where Lois sees Supes unconscious in a hospital bed – so he’s not changing his voice or projecting confidence or any of the desperately reaching excuses I’ve heard, she still doesn’t recognize him? Is the spitty curl all it takes? I guess so, considering that they also must have realized that Clark is MIA while Superman’s in the hospital. And Clark’s clothes/glasses were probably found in the elevator shaft by the janitor. I was so hoping that Jason would go over and draw glasses on Clark’s face with a marker. Speaking of Jason, I guess something did happen – Clark knows he’s his. And I like that Lois stayed with Richard – they are a family. I love that.
3. No heart. I really didn’t feel any emotion, except some brief nervousness and sadness when Lois, Richard, and Jason were in the boat. That was very well done. But for all the moaning about how X3 had no heart because it wasn’t done by Singer and because it was so rushed and Scott died, it had a hell of a lot more than this one-dimensional, over long, exercise in monotony. And I’m not just saying that because most of my favorite characters are X characters – DD and Runaways are my other favorite Marvel books, and I’ve loathed the X-Men comics for years. Spider-Man 2, remains, in my opinion, the finest superhero movie in terms of plot and heart and motivations. And I don’t particularly like or read Spider-Man, or like Tobey Maguire. It’s just a solid film.
What I actively liked:
1. Lois’s clothes. I’m serious. It was the high point. Loved every single thing she wore, the skirts, the blouses, the robe, the shoes, love looking at Kate Bosworth wearing them, frail as she is. Loved the dark toenails even. Didn’t bother me that she was young-looking – Brandon Routh and Jimmy Marsden look very young as well. Anyway, fantastic wardrobe. Actually, I thought everyone’s wardrobe was rather nice. I appreciated the retro feel. And the darker red on the cape.
2. Excellent special effects. The opening sequence was fun. The effects during the inane space shuttle/passenger jet sequence were so thrilling that I couldn’t scoff, though I tried. I also enjoyed all the spikes erupting, though the mass that Clark threw into space looked rather small. Like 6 city blocks small. Weird. I thought it was my eyes, but Peter concurred.
3. The movie was failing so thoroughly to make me feel for the characters – nothing against the actors, I thought all did a serviceable, respectable, and enjoyable, albeit forgettable job – that when Richard, Lois, and Jason made it to the plane, and Marsden was flying the sea plane, it made me think of Cyke flying around with Maddie on their honeymoon – who I’ve always thought really was Jean/Phoenix reincarnated after her death on the moon in a Vertigo like twist, and Cocoon Jean is the clone, planted by Sinister, but I digress – and I started picturing Richard as Scott, Lois as Jean/Maddie, and Jason as Nathan, having an adventure, and fantasized me a little fanfic. Thanks for that, Singer. It was fun.
I give it 2.5 stars out of 5. 1.5 stars are for wardrobe. I’m glad I saw it, I mostly enjoyed it during, but...so what?
Anyway, as the final credits rolled, Peter summed up my feelings rather succinctly: Superman Returns isn’t Spider-Man 2. It’s not even X3.
But, it’s not Fantastic Four, either. I would hope it is also better than Daredevil, which I have vowed never to see, the casting offends me so greatly. And I would say that Superman Returns is also significantly better than Batman Begins, because I didn’t fall asleep or walk out, two things that occured during my viewing of BB (in the interests of full disclosure, I watched BB the day after Thanksgiving, on my couch, in my pjs, and full of pie).
It wasn’t laughably bad yet fun if you’re watching it with others, like Smallville. Tom Welling was quite the cutie, but he plays Clark as functionally retarded, and since they dialed back the homoeroticism, offed Jonathan, and made Lex OMG TEH EVOL, it’s even harder to watch. The Christopher Reeve Superman movies...let’s just say they weren’t really my cup of tea. I’ve seen them all, but have no desire to rewatch them. SR didn’t make me cringe, or yawn, or wonder what time it was. But I did roll my eyes quite a bit, and my strongest reaction is....so? This is what all the hype was about? This? Really?
What I actively disliked:
1. Luthor’s Real Estate Development Plot of Evil. Anyone else see the hilariously awful 10.5 Apocalypse tv movies earlier this year (and the prequel, from 2004)? Just me? I almost started laughing when they showed the new map of the world, with North America split up the middle, because I think they stole it from the prop room at NBC. And did I understand this correctly? Lex is going to use the crystals to radically change the geography of the earth, and in the process, kill “billions”. A significant percentage of the dead would come from the wealthier and developed parts of North America and Western Europe, unless Lex’s map is like Buster Bluth’s and the blue parts are land. Lex will then build beach front property that he will sell to the highest bidder, giving him all the power in the world. The highest bidder left among the severely traumatized masses in South America, Africa, Asia, apparently. I know that after the planet has been ripped apart by a madman, and most of my family and friends are dead, and all my stuff has been destroyed in the earthquakes, tidal waves, and gas fires, not to mention the disease that spreads after disasters, or the sickos that see disasters as a opportunity to prey on others, the first thing I’m going to do is call Century 21 and get me a piece of that ocean view condo action. Especially when the beaches are spikey and grey and look like something the earth vomited up in a desperate attempt to purge.
2. NOTHING HAPPENED. Full circle, Singer’s a genius, blah, blah, blah – Clark in space? Check. Lex Luthor out of jail and temporarily helpless but you just know he’s plotting something? Check. Martha’s lonely and doing dishes? You know it. Lois Lane doesn’t know Clark=Superman? That last one truly aggravates me, and my aggravation aggravates Peter. I cannot suspend disbelief on this. Maybe in the comics, I don’t know, I haven’t read more than a scattered dozen or so issues. But in a movie where they take the time to consider the possibility and discuss it out loud? When Clark and Superman disappeared on the same day and return the same day five years later? Where Lois sees Supes unconscious in a hospital bed – so he’s not changing his voice or projecting confidence or any of the desperately reaching excuses I’ve heard, she still doesn’t recognize him? Is the spitty curl all it takes? I guess so, considering that they also must have realized that Clark is MIA while Superman’s in the hospital. And Clark’s clothes/glasses were probably found in the elevator shaft by the janitor. I was so hoping that Jason would go over and draw glasses on Clark’s face with a marker. Speaking of Jason, I guess something did happen – Clark knows he’s his. And I like that Lois stayed with Richard – they are a family. I love that.
3. No heart. I really didn’t feel any emotion, except some brief nervousness and sadness when Lois, Richard, and Jason were in the boat. That was very well done. But for all the moaning about how X3 had no heart because it wasn’t done by Singer and because it was so rushed and Scott died, it had a hell of a lot more than this one-dimensional, over long, exercise in monotony. And I’m not just saying that because most of my favorite characters are X characters – DD and Runaways are my other favorite Marvel books, and I’ve loathed the X-Men comics for years. Spider-Man 2, remains, in my opinion, the finest superhero movie in terms of plot and heart and motivations. And I don’t particularly like or read Spider-Man, or like Tobey Maguire. It’s just a solid film.
What I actively liked:
1. Lois’s clothes. I’m serious. It was the high point. Loved every single thing she wore, the skirts, the blouses, the robe, the shoes, love looking at Kate Bosworth wearing them, frail as she is. Loved the dark toenails even. Didn’t bother me that she was young-looking – Brandon Routh and Jimmy Marsden look very young as well. Anyway, fantastic wardrobe. Actually, I thought everyone’s wardrobe was rather nice. I appreciated the retro feel. And the darker red on the cape.
2. Excellent special effects. The opening sequence was fun. The effects during the inane space shuttle/passenger jet sequence were so thrilling that I couldn’t scoff, though I tried. I also enjoyed all the spikes erupting, though the mass that Clark threw into space looked rather small. Like 6 city blocks small. Weird. I thought it was my eyes, but Peter concurred.
3. The movie was failing so thoroughly to make me feel for the characters – nothing against the actors, I thought all did a serviceable, respectable, and enjoyable, albeit forgettable job – that when Richard, Lois, and Jason made it to the plane, and Marsden was flying the sea plane, it made me think of Cyke flying around with Maddie on their honeymoon – who I’ve always thought really was Jean/Phoenix reincarnated after her death on the moon in a Vertigo like twist, and Cocoon Jean is the clone, planted by Sinister, but I digress – and I started picturing Richard as Scott, Lois as Jean/Maddie, and Jason as Nathan, having an adventure, and fantasized me a little fanfic. Thanks for that, Singer. It was fun.
I give it 2.5 stars out of 5. 1.5 stars are for wardrobe. I’m glad I saw it, I mostly enjoyed it during, but...so what?
posted by Peter at 8:38 PM
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